Self-Proclaimed ‘Player’ has Extremely High Expectations for ILSA Christmas Party Tonight

THE HAGUE -  Reports have come in today that first-year student and self-proclaimed ‘fuck boy’ David Harrison has been exhibiting signs of extremely high expectations for the annual ILSA Christmas party tonight at Café Rootz.

Friends of Mr. Harrison submitted reports earlier this morning, stating that he was in over his head for a female colleague in another tutor group.

In the words of Mr. Harrison “Tonight’s the night I go for it, she’s totally into me” regardless of the fact his friends have warned him that she might not be as into him as he suspects. Harrison has remained steadfast in the idea that not one, but three women are vying for his attention and has put these three women down in a ranking order, including a ‘fall back girl’.  

“Tonight’s going to be wild, I won’t say anything, but it’s going to be pretty eventful” Harrison said before dousing himself in a pungent cologne. “I’ve seen the way they all look at me during lectures and workshops, I’m pretty sure they want me” Continued Harrison as he put down his cologne bottle which seemed to be aptly shaped like a grenade with the annotations ‘FOR MEN’ on the side written in a military stencil font.

We’re not exactly sure whether to root for David Harrison, but whatever happens we hope everyone has a wonderful evening!